My stoic friend
Nov 14So as it happens, there seems to always be a “Daniel” in my life to latch on to. The odd thing with daniel now, is that I have some very confusing feelings circulating inside, about him.
In a situation where I have Devin, and Daniel has Jen, he and I seem to share a brotherly bond, which is just an amazing feeling since I’ve always wanted a loyal brother.
The confusion comes into play where I constantly realize how attractive my friend is, and myself dedicated to respecting a certain boundary as far as our friendship goes – I really couldn’t ask for more from him to tolerate – much less accept and validate my sexuality and relationship. That bearing in mind, he was essentially raised by a stern father, and 3 older brothers, which surprisingly molded him into someone so similar yet more alert and astute than i. Our strengths amazingly complement each other. I have excellent project planning, execution and a great level of patience, and he has brute force and a certain way of providing a passive input and a protective outlook to whatever it is we are working on at the moment which enables the both of us to get a task done and done well. In that sense, we work together i.e. on cars so well without EVER getting in each others way – even in a tight space or in a frustrating situation, we seem to cool each other down, he more than i, cause I get frustrated and start to disconnect – and he brings me back in check. The dynamic is pretty much like him being an older protective brother, who respects my intelligence and provides me the confidence and room to grow it.
I’m not sure how all of this sounds, but as far as I’m concerned, I’ve always seeked out a friendship like his, and amazingly, after 7 years of knowing him, and seeing each other on and off through time, this year he’s a dedicated friend – something I’m not terribly used to.
To be completely honest, this thing is just a few steps from being an infatuation, but given that he’s so giving – personally – there is no need for the obsession, or much less any kind of weird stalker-ish attitude because he’s there when I want him to be (which is generally always, when it’s just us two). He’s just very agreeable, has a good positive attitude even in distress, and even when he’s angry with the world, it seems that with me, he always saves a little protection from that anger.
I guess it’s a good blend of attraction (myself being attracted to him) – not just the face but form, mannerisms, and disposition – and a strong compatibility in both beliefs and personality so even when we disagree on something, we discuss it and if we still disagree, we peacefuly agree to disagree and respect each others opinions with the full understanding that one’s opinions are just that – something that’s more of a passive aggressive consolation for most people.
I read into everything so much I’ve probably pointlessly beat this dead horse to a pulp, but it’s something that runs through my mind a lot after we hang out for a few hours and work on our cars or do anything for that matter.
It’s a kind of a poor analogy but with each other, we’re so benign and transparent, akin to an implant that is hypoallergenic (like teflon, titanium or stainless steel) — can sit in your body performing a supportive function forever without any kind of reaction. is it love? well of some sort. love isn’t an easy thing to describe, cause there are so many kinds and levels to it – there’s love for family, love for a partner, love for friends, which in rare cases becomes almost like that of family and partner combined – making you a jealous and very protective friend. I’m somewhere in the gray area of a jealous friend and a neglectful one but I think the neglect at this point is more of a defense mechanism – don’t want to get too attached (for so many reasons, all my fault)… but I digress. I guess I’m done spouting off about this thing.